HEALTH HINTS

Elder Care: Part II   What Shall We Do About Mom And Dad?

“Honor thy father and mother that thy days may be long upon the land

which the Lord giveth thee.”  (Exodus 20:12.)

             In this series of articles, we are presenting some general information about aging and care of the elder members of our families. The focus for this presentation is on maintaining respectful regard for your parents.  As a general rule, the more you respect your elders and their wishes, the greater your own satisfaction will tend to be.  As the care giver, you won’t be left with guilt and regrets.   By anticipating needs and making changes slowly, we all have an opportunity to accommodate inevitable changes of aging with some degree of grace and dignity.

Ethics and the Rights of Seniors.  Becoming a senior citizen is not indicative of diminished rights as a citizen.  The ethical principles of autonomy, beneficence, and justice still apply.  Autonomy means having freedom of choice.  Mom and Dad continue to have the right to make decisions about everything.   You need to help them become aware of their own new needs, what changes need to take place soon, and present the options possible.  Listen actively to them, to discover how they see things, to how they feel, and what they want.  This will provide information for you to better understand and help.   Beneficence means “above all, inflict no harm.”  And you do want to help.  Whatever you do to take care of your older family members, you want to be kind and protect them from injury, legally, financially, emotionally, physically, etc.  Autonomy and beneficence together, however, may be difficult: what you believe is needed to be beneficial may, in truth, limit choices and autonomy.  Justice means fair treatment.  Whatever you or others do in handling your elder parents’ affairs, business, or arrangements, you need to see to it that they receive honest and equitable treatment. This is a tall order; this can be challenging. 

                Signs of Changing Need.   Be alert to some of the following; each one alone can occur to all of us, but an increasing incidence of several in an elder member of your family may be indicative of some changing needs.  Forgetfulness may mean leaving the burner on under an empty teakettle, overdue bills, overdrawn accounts at the bank, and/or forgotten appointments.  Poor judgment may mean giving away household and personal items still needed/used.  Inappropriate dress, unusual and risky investments, or playing the lottery may be new and unusual behavior.  The manner in which the elderly person takes care of themselves, i.e., personal hygiene, may demonstrate neglect.  The elderly may miss meals or just snack on what’s handy, like baloney & bread or peanut butter & jelly sandwiches with beer.  No effort is made to develop a grocery list or plan meals.  A normally clean and neat household gradually begins to show neglect; it’s dusty.  Garbage piles up, clothing not washed, and bedding not changed.  Social relationships diminish because Mom doesn’t invite anyone in and doesn’t go out anymore.  It’s just too much trouble.  With the advent of poor eyesight, driving becomes a concern.  Mom or Dad can’t judge distances well anymore, or get lost easily.  Take note of these occurrences and share your observations with your parent(s).  Discuss its possible causes and consider the consequences, too.

                First, Verify Absence of Physical Illness.  Anyone or more of the signs of changing needs noted above could be based in a physical illness.  Before much consideration is given to getting your Mom or Dad into a nursing home, help get them to their family physician for a good checkup.  Once you can be assured that your elderly family member is in relatively good health, then you and your family may comfortably consider options possible to provide appropriate care needed.

By Bonnie Battey, Ph.D., R.N. Originally published (1996-97) in the newsletter of Good Shepherd Evangelical Lutheran Church, Front Royal, Virginia and peer reviewed by the Health and Wellness Committee members: Robin Nida, R.N.*; Jean White, BSN, R.N.*;  Alfred L.“Chip” White, Esq.; Pastor Robert Jones; & Bonnie Duldt Ph.D., R.N.*, Chair. (*Volunteer Parish Nurses); also S. Preston Childress, Jr., M.D.

Updated, 8/2007 in consultation with certified nurse gerontologist, Mary Ann Slaughter, MA RN,C CPHRM.

© 2007, Bonnie Weaver Battey.